The last thing we feel like doing when we are feeling low is cooking nutritious meals and keeping on top of our self care. Here I share a snippet from my own life, and the positive impact taking care of my basic needs had on improving my wellbeing.
She could feel the eyes watching her. That intense stare that seeps into your consciousness.
Without opening her eyes, she conjured up the mental picture of him. His good natured ways,
his love and care for her. But he had needs of his own. "Just a moment Dilly. Give mamma a
few more minutes. Go back to bed bed", she implored. She sensed rather than heard him return
dejectedly to his bed. He was such a good boy.
This scene was repeated regularly for such a long time. Her boy needed looking after, but she could
barely make it out of bed most days.
She snuggled back under the duvet for another hour or so, until the dark fog began to lift - and the guilt
pricked at her. He needed to go out. Thank goodness he had the bladder of an ox!
This scene is one that repeated many times in my life. I live with a chronic health condition, and from time to time, a crippling low mood that makes it impossible to do the simplest of tasks.
At one point it was so severe that the suicidal ideation was intrusive. I wasn't in any immediate danger - after all I had been here before. Many times in fact. I knew intellectually they were simply intrusive thoughts, but they became so overwhelming that I decided to seek treatment from my GP.
Over the course of the next few months I tried to give the medication a chance to work. To improve my mood. The first lot were too sedating and interfered with my swallowing reflex. The second lot - well, the cure was worse than the ailment! So, I decided to go it alone.
I say alone, as although I have people around me who care for me, a feature of depression, or at least for me, but I am certain for others - is self isolation. This time around I did keep in contact with two trusted people in my life - so at least I wasn't completely helpless at the bottom of a dark pit of despair.
So, what to do.
Day by day, I started taking better care of myself. My dog always got taken out, but I no longer resented it, and I could respond to him as soon as I felt his eyes on me. I ditched the ready meals in favour of meat and frozen vegetables thrown together in the crock pot. I would freeze what I didn't use so that I always had a stash of healthier food. I started to get in touch with my friends. Not to meet up necessarily, I wasn't ready for that - but to reconnect with the world. Over time, I started taking more of an interest in my appearance. It is a good tell if you see me wearing lippy! I was then able to start cooking from scratch, making delicious but healthy meals that I shared between me (and the dog) and the freezer. It is always reassuring to know that you have a freezer full of home cooked food.
So, over the last six months life has felt good again. All it took, was getting back to basics and good self care. I also had compassion for myself. I made sure that my negative nelly was not filling my head with critical mind chatter. Slowly but surely, I resumed doing thing that brought me joy. Listening to the music I love, writing, picking up hobbies I had signed up to but not started.
The message I want to convey with sharing this very personal story? Never give up hope. Each day, eat as well as you can, move about a bit, get into nature, keep in touch with those who care about you - and above all, bring some joy into your life.
Joy is the antidote to all manner of things.
Cassie
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